Al Avila Should Be Sent

Al Avila is the dad who has taken coaching his son's little league team too far and tells the kids that if they want a piece of cake they're just gonna have to run it off the next day even if it is their birthday. The damage he's done to the Detroit Tigers organization in his short tenure is nearly equivalent to the damage Kwami's government-funded coke ragers did to the city years ago. Homeboy signs his own son like it was just another aquisition after the White Sox told little Alex they were signing the 43 year-old usher to play catcher instead because he was worried about Alex being able to afford his Del Taco habit. Al rationalized the deal by blaming his son's poor performance in the last 2 seasons on distractions stemming from his good friend Justin Verlander's nudes leaking. He described the situation saying, "Alex just spent hours looking at Justin's naked body and it was those balls he thought of everytime he was up at bat, and he simply did not want to crush those balls". During negotiations, reportedly held at the reserved section of Applebee's, the Tiger's Assistant GM John Westhoff described agreeing to pay this walking mustard stain of a human being $2 million this year as "painless" (this is actually a fucking real quote). Flashforward to this season and the

World series champion Cubs express interest in​ Alex, who was shockingly hitting the dickskin off the ball at the time, as well as his shower buddy JV (who's AARP application is currently pending), yet Big Al said no. Meanwhile he sent the Tiger's best asset, JD "The Jackhammer" Martinez to Arizona for what baseball expert Tim Kurkjian described as a "box of used condoms". Meanwhile Poppa Al continues to pay Anibal Sanchez, Justin Upton, Victor Martinez (who's AARP membership went into effect 2 years ago) and Verlander just absolute fucksums to lose games in ways more unreasonable than Kesha having once been famous. So while J-Dawg is over in Zona slapping dingers and dartying on the beach with ASU sorority girls for the summer, we'll be stuck watching Alex Avila bring Burger King to batting practice and call daddy Al up everytime he's sat on the bench. Alex's mom says she's glad Alex is back so they can watch the Bachelorette together again every week and is happy with the job Al is doing but just wishes he would stop eating Subway sandwiches in bed and getting crumbs everywhere.

#tigers #AlAvila #TerribleGM #TheBottomLine